Gillian’s garden in full bloom to kiss and welcome life.. .. .. and you.. .. ..

Went for a swim alone. Thank God for the wonderful weather and the solitude I enjoyed, though the swimming pool was crowded. Then something caught my attention. A father was teaching his son how to swim. Mind you, they were at the deep pool and the boy was around 5 years old. All I registered was the father’s constant encouragement and that his eyes never left his son. He urged his precious one on and on. How fortunate is that little boy! I do not know if they know God but if they do, I bet that little boy will have a wholesome image of who Father God is. The One who never forsakes us and watches us incessantly. I felt so overwhelmed by God’s love for me once again. Even when I was swimming, Father God was watching. He gave me clouds to provide shade (as I do not wish to get too tanned but I simply love water). I gazed at the sky, where parts were of a clear blue. Beautiful sight. Just as I was surrounded by water, I was surrounded by His love. I can never fathom His unfailing love, His ceaseless divine intervention in times of need, His gift of immense joy when I was done… …

I have been squeezing time out to pray for certain people and reading a book by Dr Henry Cloud, entitled Changes That Heal. Once again, I was reminded of many things. Not that I was not aware of them in the past but maybe I did not make a persistent attempt to change. Been too accommodating. Too scare to turn people down. Too scare to be me. Too scare to be ‘bad’. God does not want me to be like that. I felt liberated after reading the book and will definitely do a second read. Need to get some invaluable gems noted down.

Here we go…

Ø      As His children, we have difficulty bonding with others, separating from others, sorting out issues of good and bad, and taking charge as an adult.

Ø      Grace is the unmerited favor of God toward people; something we have not earned and do not deserve. It is unconditional love and acceptance.

Ø      Grace is the relational aspect of God’s character while truth is the structural aspect.

Ø      The law is a blueprint, or a structure for people to live by, offering guidance, and setting limits.

Ø      Truth without grace is judgment.

Ø      Truth operating without grace: Law silences us, bring anger, increases sin, arouses sinful passions, brings death, puts us under a curse, holds us prisoners, alienates us from Christ, and judges us harshly.

Ø      With grace alone, we are safe from condemnation, but we cannot experience true intimacy. When the one who offers grace also offers truth (on who we are, about himself or herself, and about the world), and we respond with our true self, then real intimacy is possible.

Ø      Real intimacy always comes in the company of truth.

Ø      Guilt and shame often sends us into hiding.

Ø      Mark 4:26-29 illustrates an important truth about the growth process. It cannot be willed. It can only be enhanced by adding grace, truth and time.

Ø      Same-sex parent is integral to the development of an adolescent.

Ø      We can reach the hurting, untrained and lonely child of our past. Whoever else we ‘were’, is still alive, eternal and lives within us.

Ø      We can all walk through the trust issues of infancy, the boundary-setting issues of toddlerhood, the forgiveness issues of young childhood, the role issues of later childhood, and the separation issues of adolescence in our present adulthood. We can all grow up again.

Ø      The Lord accepts us fully, knowing that we will need time and experience to work out our own imperfections. Our failures do not surprise Him. If they surprise us, it is only because we have too high an opinion of ourselves.

Ø      Bonding is the ability to establish an emotional attachment to another person. It is the ability to relate to another in the deepest level. When two people have a bond with each other, they share their deepest thoughts, dreams and feelings with each other with no fear that they will be rejected by the other person.

Ø      Bonding is connecting with God, others and ourselves.

Ø      Because we live in a fallen world, we are not born into connection. It has to be gained and it is an arduous, developmental process.

Ø      Hosea 6:6 – Jesus desire compassion, and not a sacrifice.

Ø      Only compassion drives us to real sacrificial love.

Ø      Bonded people are able to tolerate, and to use constructively, time alone. Because they are not afraid to be alone, they can accomplish many things. They also know the real reason for work. They do not work to pile up possessions. They do not work to run from pain. They work for the family of humanity.

Ø      Because people have a natural need for relationship. The first stage they go through when they fail to bond with God and others is protest. They feel sad and angry. If isolation continues too long without relief, the protesting person moves into the second stage of depression and despair. If depression and despair continue long enough without anyone intervening to relieve the loneliness, the third stage of detachment sets in.

Ø      Depression can, in part, be caused by a person trying to repress his or her feelings of sadness and anger – the two ingredients of the God-given protest against lack of love.

Ø      People who are isolated emotionally feel that life has no meaning and confuse this with not having any purpose. They desperately try to find meaning in some activity or ministry. These only push them further into isolation.

Ø      Some people can’t feel forgiven because the root of this kind of guilt is not sin, but it’s loneliness and isolation.

Ø      Paul shows the incarnational way God loves us and works for us. Paul has a need; he was depressed. God comforted him by sending Titus. God was touching Paul through human relationships God was comforting Paul and Titus was His arms.

Ø      Part of the real self is the needy self; if we are always giving and never receiving, we are denying part of who we truly are.

Ø      We can’t earn love. It is just something that someone decides to feel towards us. We can earn approval but not love.

Ø      No real and deep change occurs outside of relationship and trust, for that is the place where the heart lives. People often say, ‘I know that in my head, but not in my heart.’ For the heart to know it, the heart must return to the vulnerable place where the rules were first written on it. Through this sort of vulnerability, it can learn new rules.

Ø      Some workaholics tend to be manic. Mania is an excitement of psychotic proportions which shows itself in mental and physical hyperactivity, disorganization of behavior, and elevation of mood.

Ø      Ended on page 92.

Found out from a friend that I will not be going back to XXX school for practicum. Kind of sad because all my buddies are there and I am rather familiar with the way the school works, and not forgetting the culture. Yet the same time, I told myself that going to another school will mean learning new things and getting to meet new people. I believe wherever God sends me, I will have a purpose there. It is just that I need to get out of my comfort zone. Pretty stressful fact to accept. All things work for good because I am called according to His purpose. Praying for a good mentor.

Sometimes I wonder where do people find the time to blog. I guess it all boils down to discipline and habitual needs. If I am not wrong, this is the second time I write in my blog in 2006. I lost track! It so happens I read up some of my friends’ blogs recently and realized it is high time to pause and ‘document’ certain issues down.

Will not be running children camp in the capacity of a camp commandant this year. Graduated to camp mentor. Haha. CPT is going to hush down a bit in terms of events. Those who are in CPT will be kind of channeled to other departments in the children ministry. I will be going to the Girls’ Brigade (Primary). Also, I am leaving the youth cell to join an adult cell. But I reckon that I will still join the monthly youth service. It is too exciting to miss out. Maybe when I get older and the energy level depletes enough to ‘demote’ myself to total devotion to the adult service. There will be more training and workshops for worship ministry this year. There will be one in July and coming soon, March! March… march… march… march… the month in which most projects are due. The month that marks my maturing. Scary. April is down for tests and exams. 2006 has challenges ahead.

My New Year resolutions? How’s the progress? Can I not mention them? I wouldn’t say they are at a standstill, but neither are they speeding up in terms of development. Time management I guess. But it often seems like I have too much to do with too little time. I want time for myself, my family and friends. Got to meet my Dage. He is still the same nice guy. Must catch up with other friends too. Fortunately one of my major projects is coming to an end. It has lasted for half a year! One of my best friends is getting married soon! Her boyfriend proposed to her on Valentine’s Day. How sweet! Another of my university friend is getting married in May too. I am elated for all of them.

Went back to the school which I did contract teaching for a visit. This teacher encourages me. Not that she eggs me on in my studies but the way she shared about her own struggles and philosophies in life spoke deeply. She often laughs and lightens up the mood in the staff room. She never fails to cheer me up with her laughter. She is 48 this year but she looks barely even 40! She told me to laugh often and take things easy. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference” pops out repeatedly recently. She quoted it, again. Difficulties made her stronger, she said. I agree. But it is the process, which always seems daunting. We need little things to motivate us, friends to encourage and love to support. Sometimes I am lifted up when I lift my friends up.

Down at Your feet O Lord

Is the most high place

In Your presence Lord

I seek Your face

I seek Your face

There is no higher calling

No greater honour

Than to bow and kneel before Your throne

I am amazed by Your glory

Embraced by Your mercy

O Lord I live to worship You

Hide me now under Your wings

Cover me within Your mighty hands

When the oceans rise and thunder roars

I will soar with You above the storm

Father You are King over the flood

I will be still, know You are God

It is such a wonder I can wake up with a song on certain morning. Always feel so refreshed when I make an extra effort to wake up earlier to spend time with God. Not easy on days when I need to be in school by 8.30am in the morning. The Boon Lay interchange is a terrorizing place to be in that mad rush hour. Ambushed by people. Pushed along by the flow of human traffic. Sometimes the queue for the bus is intimidating. Then one morning, the beautiful purplish (my favourite colour) morning glories caught my eyes. God’s creation to make my day!

Some of the youths are really funny. They asked me if I am in love just because I was all chirpy and jovial (and maybe to the extent of being silly) when they were half dead in the evening (before combined cell). Partly because I dressed up quite often recently. Well, I had to with presentations! Maybe I used to dress sloppy. What to do? Haha. I think I woke up on the right side of bed that morning. Once I am delighted in the morning, the elation is enough to last me for the day. I love it when I am amused. I suppose everyone loves to be humored? But I am easily tickled only by some people. While others simply fail to even make my mouth twitch. And yes, someone made me delirious and I laughed really hard that morning, which explained my ecstatic self that fateful day. How I wish I could be tickled every morning! 

Was chatting with a friend. Her struggles when seeing the guy whom she is infatuated with. Can only pray that if he is the one for her, God will lead him to make the first step. She is a very good woman and deserves an excellent guy. It is never simple and effortless to maintain any relationship so I really salute those couples who are still very much in love with each other after many years. Still remember what Pastor Tim said. To love someone means not comparing him or her to anyone else. It is a decision and not charged by emotions.

How often do we really love people and let them know that we love them? I don’t remember my parents saying “I love you” to me at all. Their love came in the form of provision of necessities. How do I speak love? I used to think my most prominent love language is giving of gifts and tokens. Then I realized I love and even encourage through my words as well. For dad, it is spending quality time when I make it a point to have meals with him. Watched “I Not Stupid Too” recently. More conscious than ever with regards to the words I speak to my students. Have I praised and encouraged them recently? Have I loved them?

Words spoken in love.

Deeds done in love.

Physical touch in love.

Quality time spent in love.

Giving tangibles in love.

Knowing your love language, as well as those of others, to better appreciate love in any language. Love breaks all barriers. Love drives out all fear. How thankful am I for God’s perfect, unfailing and matchless love! Love that never leaves, never forsakes, never disappoint… … God is love. So simple yet so fathomless. I am so loved. A love that I can never deserve but am given unconditionally.

Friends have always played an important role in my life. As I looked back at my life, I am so thankful to God for some of them, who despite time and distance, never fail to remember me. Of course, there are also some who shared seasons with me and are gradually gone with the wind.

My best friend in primary school abandoned me. My secondary school best friend betrayed me. I had a small group of good friends back in JC days, who were lost somehow along the way. My university best friend and I fell out over some misunderstanding (which I kind of forgot what it is exactly).

And now? I feel like I am a spare tyre. We have stopped doing the usual stuff which we used to. We don’t even have meals anymore, except on birthdays. I will get a call to eat together only if her other half is not free. This is sad. I was with her during her darkest time. I did whatever is within my means to ameliorate her emotional pain. Everything changed.

Nonetheless, there are friends whom I really thank God for.

My Dage never fails to be there for me. He understands me best and it is such a miracle that we can be so close though we are not related by blood.

My guardian angel, whom I have never met. He is so real and I admire him for his intellectual capabilities. Always giving me priceless advice, he encourages and heals with his words.

Rusyinni, who is of the same age as me. Beautiful and kind, she amazes me with her commitment. I share my deepest thoughts with her transparently.

My current group of good ‘kakis’… … Weekiat, Jaymin, Chris and Marie. What will life be without their company?

I thank God for mummy Serene too. I fear female authorities. Yet, she never let me go when I tried to run. While she gave me the space I need, her prayers for me never cease too. Always loving and assuring, she is one of the most stunning women whom I know. She lifts me with her words. She loves me with the way she gazes at me. Sometimes, my eyes well up with tears when I know I have the love from her which I do not deserve. I see Jesus in her.

Many times I pray persistently, for godly people in my life. Many times I cry painfully, for strength divine in trying times. Many times I scream silently, for love in lonely moments. Many times I bleed emotionally, with accusations hurled at me. Yet, God sees me through, through them all. He takes care of my every detail! I cried again… … when God asked me if I trust Him enough, for anything and everything.

2006 is here! I want to thank God for so many things. He brought me through the children camp. I kind of lost my voice and was thoroughly exhausted but He gave me strength to make all things possible. Each time I fall sick, I know God is divinely calling me to rest my body. But I cannot possible rest in a camp! When I totally was unable to speak on the second day of the camp, Uncle Dauglaus (and of course many others who carried me through constant prayers – thank you) prayed for me in front of all the children. He did not say much. In fact, he just told me that every morning when I wake up, God looks at me and tells me how lovely and adorable I am in His sight. Got nothing to do with healing and I do not know why but I was so touched and cried. Father God always assures me of His unfailing love for me through many people. And I got my voice back! I strain it though and lost it when the camp was over (how timely).

God’s glory and miraculous ways manifested through the camp. Countless children gave thanks to God through testimonies shared on the last morning. His divine provision of workers to come alongside us for the camp amazes me. The youths were brilliant. They are teachable and connected so well with the kids. In comparison to 2004, they improved tremendously! ACS is a people builder. I know I always go to her for decision-makings because she is the children pastor. But she will guide me along instead of telling me what to do. Because of her, I personally feel that I have improved too in terms of skills picked up as a camp commandant. I am getting the hang of organizing camps already. Haahaa.

My first experience of being a ‘jiemei’ was priceless. Jaymin got married! I am so happy for her. She looked so beautiful. I did not do much, maybe due to my inexperience. It was arranged that I would sing on the night of her wedding dinner with her older brother. During one of the rehearsals (on Christmas day itself), I could not even sing, let alone hit the keys! Dead worried but I assured both Jaymin and Jayce (older brother) that I will be well 2 days later (the actual wedding dinner itself). I prayed and asked many others to pray along with me. Praise God because my voice came back in the afternoon of the actual day! I was not even nervous when I was on stage to sing. Who else but it can only be His doing.

I had great fun too with Jaymin, Wee Kiat, Jayce and Xiali during a KTV session. Jaymin and Eric are really generous and hospitable in using their new love nest as a gathering place for us. While they played mahjong, I sat around and laughed as they chatted. Then on New Year’s Day itself, we gathered again (this time with Yuda instead of Jayce) and had dinner. Had pasta, fruit salad, meatballs and Oreo cheesecake. Adulthood and working life somehow decrease such gatherings unless on festive seasons. We made a pact to meet up often. Truly, friendships need to be nurtured. Realized Jaymin and I are similar in numerous ways. Her sister is rather cute too and does not look her age.

Stayed over at Rus’ place on New Year Eve. We had a good and long talk. Thank God for friends like her. We do not communicate - and neither do others see us physically together - all the time but when we do, the friendship is only strengthened. I can be transparent in front of her. I am learning to connect deeply with people. Scary? Transparency comes with vulnerability and risk of rejection. Yet, a friend sent by God will only love at all times. She is one such friend.

Have not really rested for a long time. Then, school starts! Projects, tuitions, presentations, tests and countless other stuff will commence all over again. And my new year resolutions… … must try to achieve them.

Went to school today, only to find out that I do not have lessons at all. But divinely (I know God has a purpose for everything), I ‘saved’ a gal. As I was chatting with Chris and Faith near the stairs to the library, a gal suddenly dropped her bag. Courteously, I tried to pick it up for her but she waved quite frantically to signal ‘no’. Then, this rather big dark bluish green insect (or bug or whatever) caught my eyes. It was clinging on to the bag!

The gal was actually bitten (or stung) by this poisonous looking alien animal. God knows what came over me but I courageously (with a bit of eee…. and ar…. and ‘mummmmy’) lift up the bag and took one of my sandals, aimed and hit! To make sure of its death, I had to swash it. However, the insect has a hard body cover and with just one hand, I could not. It was still alive. I had to drop the bag and with both hands, pressed really hard on my sandal and all the four of us heard an audible cracking sound.

To play safe, I suggested keeping the insect just in case the doctor needs to identify if it is dangerous. Chris promptly took out a red plastic bag, which I used to pick the bug up with one of its wings. We then accompanied the gal to the clinic in NTU. The poor gal had no lunch and as all the doctors were having their lunch break, she had to wait in the clinic. It is a long walk to the cafeteria. Suddenly, I remembered I had bread in my bag. I offered to the gal. Everything seemed to be planned. Come to think of it, the bug could have flown up and attacked us. God’s protection is whao!

Then I went to visit my tutor (actually he is more like a friend since we have shared so much). We had a long chat. He showed me an article related to the question of Jesus’ existence. I asked him a few questions. He believes that Jesus is Son of God, and that He died and rose again. Somehow, something is holding him back from attending a church. He said that it is the culture. He is an introvert and not used to church goers lifting up hands and dancing while worshipping God. I will be praying for him, for a receptive heart ready to be convicted by Jesus. He is such a wonderful guy! I’ve never met anyone as nice as him. It will be such a pity if he is not saved. I wonder what can I do to help. I guess I can only offer my prayers. I hope I had not frightened him in any way because I kind of bombarded him with endless questions (as I was just amazed how he believes and yet is not ‘convinced’?). He looked pretty shocked and admitted to feeling like he was being ‘cross-examined’ by me. Then another friend came to mind. He was baptized and was once a staunch believer of Christ. Sadly, he backslided. God’s love is never far from him. Maybe he is running from or is disappointed with something. I do not know but again, I can only pray for him. God’s work in him is definitely not finished and I believe he will be in our Father’s loving arms again one day

Time and tide wait for no man… … It is already September. Seems like it has been like donkey months since I last update my blog. Have been busy with my studies, tests and projects. I tried to loosen up a little too. Had my fair share of breaks to catch up with closer friends and enjoy myself. Now, I have to study for my English test. I still think teaching is better. At least, there will be no homework, assignments and scary tests. I can get to be with the children and my colleagues almost daily. There seems to be tons of reading to do now that I am studying. I would still want to squeeze some time to read up on other books not related to school work. Argh… …

Empathy. I think mine runs dry when faced with the same person with the same problem with no improvement despite having given my advice. Well, I guess most women (including myself) are guilty of this because we only need a listening ear and not solutions. Emotional creatures. But Jesus’ never fades. Think I have to work harder to be more like him. Heehee.

Looks like everyone is getting it. Is your biggest sin running away from God in times of loneliness? Whao! Read this from Mark Geppert’s book. Sets me thinking. We run to people, things, earthly love, shopping, chatting etc. BGR on the rise, again. Yet, He is always there, waiting patiently for us to return into His loving arms. Restlessness, a sign of drivenness. Are we driven by the right things?

The call is meaningless when divorced with the Caller. Heard from Pastor Benny. Listened to his CD on Work. Drifted on and off as I was listening to it on my bed. Haha. Many gems to pick up. He mentioned about PDA, acronym for Personal devotion, Divine appointment and Active obedience. Whao! Looks like we have lots to do. But work at them with all your heart, as for God and not for man. Basically, we work because it is a command from God (He works for 6 days and rested on the 7th), serves as a platform for us to reach out to others (non-believers) and is a ‘testing ground’ (conflicts with others; one knife sharpens another).

Just recovered from a flu. Was down with flu when school started and it is back. But I was fast. Took medicine, drank lots of water and rested for long hours. So now, I am able to jump again. Must really make it a habit to take vitamin C.

My ex-student’s mother just died from a brain tomour operation gone wrong. So sad. My heart goes out to her. She is only in Primary 3. A nice and quiet gal. Not confident enough though, maybe because of the fact that both her parents are deaf and mute. I am going to visit her later. Father please comfort her and the rest of her family members.

That’s all for now. Think I am faster in my typing now. Thanks to all the online forums I have to participate for the marks…

met up with e principal for an informal chat yesterday. she shared with us a few learning points for us to take away. i guess some were apt reminders while others were simply encouraging and a little inspiring. she told us to ‘change’ the environment by being positive, through the way we look at work and deal with people. grow up. yes, grow up. in the way we paraphase words with regards to communication with others. choice of words. constructive comments. teachers complain of admin work. she said it is not. they are all conducts of professionalism. i took it with a pinch of salt in a matter of fact. yap… … marking and writing of pupils’ comments are part of a teacher’s job. yet, there are many unseen paper work, which can be a hassle. i would, however, see them in the light of constraints faced by school. we would need many supporting administrators in the general office if teachers are to be freed from the cumbersome tasks. and if it really happens, i bet there will be bottlenecks and some teachers will come up with excuses and complaints again. Whatever it is, colleagues play an important role and i am glad i have plenty of worthy ones right where i am. thank God for them all.

Leaving this school soon. Kinda miss the children, especially when they scream ‘Ms Gillian’ and wave frantically to catch your attention. Uncertain too, as I am stepping into another phase in my life. Instead of teaching, I have to be the one being taught and instructed on assignments.

Went to Ikea yesterday in search of gifts to get for the teachers whom I am leaving. Met my mentee. It was really one in a million chance! I actually wanted to ask if she wants to join me but somehow I decided to go against the idea. Nonetheless, we met! Whao! Drew me back to the fact that God brings certain people into your life for you to bless and to bless you with.

Went all the way to visit my precious in Yishun. It was already late but well, her smile is worth the journey and effort. Her smile melts all exhaustion and makes your heart flutter. Haha. Her chuckles are the most melodious, eyes most enchanting and tears most endearing. That, is my eight months old cousin, Esther. I can still remember how she lovingly touches my face while smiling at me at the same time, as if she has known me for years. Well, I bet she recognises me, her part-time nanny and ‘rocker’ (I ‘rock’ her to sleep mah…).

Have not been updating my blog for donkey years. Been busy. Or should I say I have other things which are prioritised above this. God speaks to me through His word, people whom I know, books I read, music, things I see… … It is especially intriguing when you know that ‘certain’ things are about to happen. And even what you are supposed to do. Met up with a friend. God told me this friend needs a listening ear and encouragement. I gave. God says I am to minister to a girlfriend and I was called to do so. Songs come on as I read my daily bread. Exact words. It is so exciting to know His heart. It is difficult to carry out the tasks He wants you to. Sometimes I feel so weak and weary but He never fails to see me through it all. Today’s song:

Show me Your way, that I may walk with you. Show me Your way, I put my hope in You. The cry of my heart is to love You more, to live with the touch of Your hand, stronger each day, show me Your way.

How great is our God… … (in awe)

finally a day off… … so i have abit of time to update my blog. it has been so long. been loaded with so many things to do in school. a sudden bomb was dropped again this week and i am supposed to finish by next week. but the joy of the Lord is my strength. slept for around 4 to 5 hours daily when i should at least be having 7 or 8. stressful physically and ultimately the mental state is affected as well. but He never fails to bring me through each day, with little things. a smile from a kid. an encouraging sms from a friend.

been reading a book on setting boundary. pretty helpful. started to apply and sure enough, people reacted differently as i use to say ‘yes’ to almost all requests, whether or not they are my responsibilities or not. realise i am not a door mat, though my personality plays an important role in contributing to this mentality. but i am renewed daily with His word. God, You are marvelous!

made a few new friends via friendster too. but emailing and replying to messages can take quite some time. not forgetting the downloading time involved. nonetheless, widening my social circle is good. hopefully some will be converted to Christians along the way. or at least, let me plant the seeds in them.

attended a talk by ps benny. enlightening. never thought that financial management CAN be done in His way. need some time to digest the things taught. then to be put into practice. coz actions do speak louder then words. it really struck in that when we confess of our sins, we can give a whole list of the wrong things we have done, but not confess of our greed. greed is deceptive, hidden, compulsive and slips in without you knowing its presence, especially in such a commercialized society. talk about consumer market. when is ‘enough’ enough?

was affected by someone who commented that i am a ‘rocking chair’, with many activities and yet not covering any distance. i admit that i am busy but not covering any distance is so wrong! the young lives i’ve touched in school, the work i’ve done behind the scenes? i know that as long as i am right with God, nothing can be shaken. i am a living stone and i’ve found where i belong. secured in His everlasting arms, with eternal, unfailing and matchless love, what more can i ask for? learn to surrender every thought, pain and heartache to God.

oh yes! bought a CD on ‘why am i working?’ by ps benny. attended a talk by mark geppert too, on prayer walking. bought 2 of his books too. interesting and must say i’ve learnt. the trick is to put them into use. prayers move His hands and there are ‘pressure points’ to be more aware of, to be kept in prayers. i am His ark and His glory flows out from me. so powerful! focus on Jesus, and not on the demons. prayer is about conversing to God, intimate and personal, not speaking to demons. many a time though, we miss the point.

spent 2 hours plus to sew last night for my cell’s banner. it is going to be fabulous. excited about tomorrow’s youth service and all the holidays coming up. they are still far away, to be more realistic. well, just a thing or two to look forward to.

been waking up with a song in the morning. it’s so so good! imagine! waking up with a song in you. it’s like bursting, exploding kind of feeling. especially when i like singing so much.

took a test on motivational gifts as derived from romans 12:3-8. am identified as compassionate person, server (no… nothing to do with the computer), giver and administrator.

server

i am said to possess the ability to see and do things that need to be done, and am motivated to demonstrate love by meeting practical needs and rendering assistance. i have a hard time saying ‘no’ and will stay with a project until it is finished. being meticulous is me and remembering likes and dislikes of others (depending on memory space, though) is my forte. i show genuine love and affection for others in deeds or words. i am easily hurt when not appreciated, and may be too busy with helping others until i neglect my own needs.

compassionate

i basically love to give and encourage others through high quality or hand-made gifts. i am a bargain hunter; getting the best value for the money spent. hehehe… … have a tendency to spoil children.

administrator

i am effective in organizing and giving leadership aids. i am also tender-hearted and easily hurt by those who criticize and misjudge me. i tend to look to a close friend for confirmation and support. my fulfillment and joy are in seeing everything fit together to accomplish goals.

whao… … this test reviews results… … but am i motivated to work at my weaknesses? am reading a book on setting boundaries. hafta put the principles into actions.